"No" is a word we learn to use in our toddler years. We mimic our parents and their communication with us. During the "terrible two" years, our parents corrected and guided us at all levels in action. During these precious years, we are curious and are in a discovery phase of life. However, by saying "no," our parents used protective guards to help balance our thinking. When our daughter was two, she desired to know about things surrounding us. She would ask, "What's that mommy?" Where are we going, mommy? How do you...? etc.? The questions never stopped. I could not understand what parents went through when they discussed the "terrible two" years, that is, until our son, Alex, turned two. Alex, who is detail-oriented and intentional about scientific things, did not verbalize his interests at age two. He just used his little hands to discover how cause and effect works. Boy, did he give us a run for our money at times! It doesn't surprise me that science is his favorite subject. We laugh about it today and share those trying times, but as it happened, we felt that Alex unintentionally damaged many parts of our home. He had received many "no...s", with redirection, during his toddler year.
Somehow, along the way, depending on our personality traits, we lose the confidence to use the definitive "no" we learned during our toddler years. Our upbringing may have taught us that this word has a negative connotation. We tend to think that saying no will cause more harm than good. Instead, we have adapted to the idea that a pleasant facade is better than telling the simple truth.
We pick up on the negative aspects of communicating "no" with those we love, leaving voids and shallow moments with clutter to sort out over time. We speak indirectly, desiring to get our point across, but fail to accomplish what matters most: the relationship. We see it all the time on social media. The algorithm has learned to tap into our broken hearts, which stirs up negative emotions in us, and our true unresolved feelings are directed toward others. It is catchy, I must say. Saying "No" to the simple things in life will prepare us for the significant decisions we must make as time progresses. It will improve and strengthen who we are and the authenticity of our relationships. On the other hand, resisting saying "No" will eventually weaken these same supposedly meaningful relationships.
Using Jesus Christ as a prime example, he and his family sincerely loved one another. However, when he was older, he raised his “no!” His "no" wasn't because of their behavior. It was because of their ignorance of his calling. He even had to put his mother in place when she disrespected his authority at a wedding. His “no” grew louder as he lived closer to his fulfilled purpose. His friend Peter tried protecting him when he thought Jesus needed protection. Ironically, Jesus rebuked Peter, putting him in place and holding him accountable to God’s standard of love. God called Jesus to fulfill His plan so that all may experience hope through salvation in Him. Love was played out in Jesus’ life with loud “no…s" because he was sent to please the Father.
A convincing "no" allows respect from others you care about. You're saying that I deserve
the same respect that you desire. God tells us "no" in many aspects of navigating life. What we tolerate will bring contentment, inconsistencies, and confusion in our relationships. How often have you been dissatisfied in your relationships because you never spoke honestly about your feelings? Or because you have spoken honestly, people resisted your authenticity because they weren't ready to receive your transparency? We must decide what we will not tolerate because someone refuses to respect who we are. Be careful not to succumb to people-pleasing. Make your "no" stronger! Make your "no" louder! Or, eventually, your "no" will become the voice that silently walks away.
Keep in mind:
“You’re chosen by the One who will never reject you. You’re loved when the crowd cheers and the lights go out, and they all go home” (Sheila Walsh).
If you feel it’s time to regain sincere respect for your overall well-being, let’s chat about the affirmative “no” you long to build back into your life. Jesus has come that you may experience abundant life!
Contact me!