There are times in life when we get downright angry! Human! In the flesh! Why? Is it because someone made us angry? Is it because we feel trapped within ourselves? Is it because someone betrayed us? Or, someone isn't listening to us? Is it because we have not learned how to correctly express our feelings? “Anger is a strong emotion of irritation or agitation that occurs when a need or expectation is not met" (Hunt, Thoughts and Emotions, 10). It is a warning that something is going on within us. Or a feeling or cue that something isn't right. So how do we handle what is going on within us? We must balance our feelings so that they do not conquer us. We have a choice. We can let our anger break us or move with action and deal with what we are feeling.
Our conditioned mindset can distort our sensory data. It can also depict the truth of what's really going on inside. Man's truth is subjective. Therefore we must weigh our feelings against what we know is truth. We weigh our actions according to our faith. We may simply ask, how did Jesus feel when the devil was tempting him beyond measures during his wilderness experience? We may ask, at what level was Jesus' temptation when he overthrew the tables in the temple, yet without sin? We may need to ask ourselves, how concerned is God and where is He amid our troubles? We may also consider our upbringing and ask, how did I deflect my anger in past situations? What brought on this feeling? How do I embrace this feeling and work to get back on the right track?
We may need to ask ourselves questions to sort out what we feel. What we ask ourselves can change the trajectory of our response. How do you process your anger? What steps have you taken to resolve your anger? Have you learned to deflect, project, or deny what you feel? Have you learned to flat out confront your anger? According to Scripture, anger in itself is not sinful. However, what we do with our anger can harm us and others physically, emotionally, or spiritually. Not everyone is ready to have these honest conversations, but if you are open, you will gain strength in this area.
There was a man named Cain who was the eldest in his family. He had a younger brother named Abel. However, Cain became so angry and envious of Abel because he did not feel his offering to God was as good as his brother’s. Cain’s offering was fruit-producing (Num 18:12), and it was the best of the fruits. However, his attitude in bringing it to God was horrible. Abel’s offering was of animal sacrifice. The Lord preferred Abel’s offering over Cain’s because of Abel's obedience (Gen 4:5). Hebrews 11:4 states, "By faith Abel offered God a better sacrifice than Cain did. By faith he was commended as a righteous man, when God spoke well of his offerings."
Cain was angry. What was in Cain’s heart that allowed him to feel dejected? Did he fail himself? Was he so prideful and in denial of his resistance to obeying God's will? Sibling rivalry comes with a twist in families. Competition can play a huge part in these relationships. It is human instinct to deal with others competitively. The eldest may try to convince herself and everyone else that she is worthy of respect due to her seniority. Over time, the younger of the two may resist this control to prove herself worthy of respect as a human being. There are many issues that families deal with, but no matter what the issue, both presents a problem by projecting their anger in some way or another.
There are many factors when it comes to conflict in our relationships. However, God is the ultimate deciding factor amid inner and outer conflicts. God graciously asked Cain about his anger. He called Cain’s appearance out. “Why has your countenance fallen?” Amongst other reasons, our appearance can reveal our dissatisfaction. Whether we show what we are feeling or not, God sees our heart. Nothing is hidden from Him. He will call out our lack of obedience to His will. He said to Cain, “If you do well, will you not be accepted?” There was an identity crisis at hand, for Cain. God asked a legitimate question. I believe that God was conveying that Cain would do well, if he would just obey Him in heart, mind, and spirit. God knew that Cain was about to destroy his future. He knew that Cain would allow his anger to go beyond his attitude. He knew that Cain would eventually kill his brother, Abel. God was trying to protect Cain from his own flesh. However, Cain rejected God's voice.
There are times when we need accountability. There are times when we need others to call us into checks and balances. Cain's anger and resistance to God's voice led him into a downward spiral. This type of anger is sinful and will destroy us. Are you wearing sinful anger? What kind of questions are you asking yourself regarding your anger? Is there a fire burning in your heart? Are you allowing God to speak to your heart through His word, people, or circumstances? Can you discern the controlling factors that are delaying your progress? Are you walking in obedience to God’s will in heart, mind, and spirit?
Dr. Gary Collins, a Christian Counselor, gives several helpful conclusions about human anger.
Human Anger Can Be Controlled. It is unlikely that God would have instructed us to control anger if human anger control was impossible.
Anger Must Be Acknowledged. Before we can ‘put away’ our bitterness, wrath, anger, and malice, we must admit, at least to ourselves, that these feelings exist.
Outbursts Must Be Restrained. The man or woman of God thinks before acting. There must be a quiet weighing of issues instead of a gushing forth of sinful verbal explosions.
Sometimes, it is helpful to share one’s burden of anger with a friend; it is always good to pour out one’s feelings to God. This verbal activity often leads to new perspectives that reduce or dissipate anger before it is expressed inappropriately and allowed to harm others or damage relationships (Collins, Christian Counseling, 161).
Keep in Mind: We are given a choice. When we choose the right action, everyone wins!